A Heart of Compassion

I am so thankful that this post is going to be completely different than what I have been processing for a little while.  Spoiler alert - God is SO good!  He speaks to His children exactly where we need it.

The past few weeks, I've really been feeling convicted about my lack of compassion for others.  In my job, there are many people with whom I can easily get frustrated.  As I schedule appointments, I often have patients questioning whether or not I'm getting them in to see the doctor in a timely manner.  As I make calls, reminding patients of their appointments, I often have people annoyed that I'm calling (or annoyed if they don't get a call).  As I check patients in, I often have patients who didn't realize they needed their insurance cards, have no idea what medication they are on, don't like that the doctor is running ten minutes behind, or any number of other frustrations.  All this grates at me, giving me a bitter heart towards the people I'm trying to serve.

On the other end of the spectrum, I am an EXTREMELY empathetic person.  Are you having family problems?  My heart breaks for you.  Did you cut your finger cooking dinner?  My finger literally hurts alongside you.  Are you worried about a job interview?  My stomach ties up in knots for you.  Obviously, working in the healthcare industry, I see people suffering from all sorts of ailments and, for some reason, many of them want to tell me all sorts of emotional issues they're having, as they're checking in to see the doctor.  In order to keep the stress and pain from my own body, I have to let it roll off my back without truly touching my heart.  The way I, unfortunately, let it roll off my back is, once again, forming a bitter heart toward the patients.

I have been feeling horrible about these feelings.  I long to be someone with a heart of compassion.  There have been times the past few weeks when the guilt I'm feeling over my own bad attitude brings me to tears.  I'm working on this, praying for God's grace, and trying to have God's heart toward the patients I am serving.

Thankfully, God didn't leave me there.  On Sunday, Nate and I attended a friend's church where Nate helped out by leading worship.  This friend preached a wonderful sermon on Psalm 8.  He stressed that, in Christ, we are viewed as righteous.  We shouldn't simply have the mindset of being "sinners saved by grace" but, through Christ, we are saints.  Our sins have been cast away.  Grace has taken over our souls.  Grace has made us holy.

As I was processing this reminder, my wonderful husband got up to sing the closing songs.  He lead us in a song that pushed the points our friend had made home.

Let's hone in on one specific verse:

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
 

As much as I know it in my head, I was so thankful for the reminder.  God is a God of grace.  Nothing I do or don't do will change that.  When I am feeling guilt over a lack of compassion, that's not from God.  My guilt has been taken from me.  God desires to shape and mold my heart into someone more like him and, through that, I will feel compassion for others, but God isn't the one bringing guilt into my life, causing me to despair.  God looks on Christ and I am pardoned.

Because my sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free!  Praise the Lord!